Trashing Megan Fox & West Goes South

1. On Friday, people across the country held services marking the events of September 11, 2001. Regardless of politics, remembrance of this historic day is something everyone can agree on. That, and the fact that Marlee Matlin has an unfair monopoly on deaf character roles.

2. Panic erupted around DC on Friday when a Coast Guard exercise was mistaken for a potential act of terrorism. Ten shots were fired during the drill that took place shortly after Obama arrived at the Pentagon to mark the time of the first terror attack eight years ago. Read all about it in the latest issue of "The Perfect Date, Time, and Place to Fire a Weapon Quarterly."

3. On Sunday, Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift's MTV Video Music Award win for Best Female Video to voice his support for Beyonce's video. "Taylor, I'm really happy for you, and I'm gonna let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time," said West, grabbing the mic from Swift. West then returned to the vocal auto-tune software in his studio full of instruments he can't play.

4. In a letter posted to director Michael Bay's website, three anonymous crew members from the Transformers films label Megan Fox as "thankless, classless, graceless, dumb, trailer trash, and ungracious." The letter was written in defense of Bay after the actress made some controversial comments about the director. Yes... now that men know Megan Fox isn't very bright and has the low standards of trailer trash, her popularity is sure to plummet.

5. Olympia Snowe, Republican Senator from Maine, is urging President Obama to take the government-run, public option of health care "off the table". Snowe says that the public option is "universally opposed by all Republicans in the Senate," even though studies show the majority of Americans would like a public option. Snowe then had the stick up her butt surgically removed using her government-funded health care plan.

High five.