Brad Lidge & Sexy Bachelors

1. Brian Lee Randone, once featured on the reality show "The Sexiest Bachelor in America," is scheduled to be arraigned next week for allegedly torturing and murdering his girlfriend. A homicide detective said the girlfriend apparently suffered dozens of injuries in the 24 hours before her death. Get in line, ladies!

2. The Philadelphia Phillies, the MLB defending champs, are auditioning new pitchers to take over for their struggling closer Brad Lidge. After last night's game, the closer avoided reporters' questions in the locker room. When asked why he was struggling, an angry Lidge tried closing his locker but instead gave up a home run to the reporter.

3. A study funded by State Farm Insurance Co. found that teenagers who own cars are much more likely to get into an accident. Also discovered in the data, men are significantly more likely to urinate through a penis than women.

4. Tim Gallego of Dorchester England, who suffered from cancer of the mouth, recently had his face completely rebuilt using bones from his ribs, hip and wrist as well as arteries from his legs and arm. "I've always been very positive throughout and always thought that I would get back to normal," said Gallego. Gallego's only regret is that he'll no longer be the dominating force he once was in his Hokey Pokey league.

5. Senator Jon Kyl of Arizona today defended an amendment he proposed that did not require employers to provide basic maternity care. "I don't need maternity care," said Kyl. To which Michigan Senator Debbie Stabenow replied, "I think your mom probably did." ... OH, NO SHE DI-INT!

High five.