1. A inmate serving prison time with former Ponzi scheme mastermind Bernie Madoff is claiming that Madoff has $9 billion hidden from the feds. Hiding $9 billion from prison... that is one huge asshole.
2. BP CEO Tony Hayward canceled an appearance at a London oil conference on Tuesday, citing that he is still committed to assisting in the Gulf relief effort. Well, as long as his next yacht race passes through that area.
3. In her new book, actress Tori Spelling says that her 90210 cast mate Tiffani Theissen hates her. "She doesn't talk to me anymore," says Spelling. Spelling says none of her old friends seem to be available from the hours of 9 to 5.
4. During an interview last week, Kentucky senate candidate Rand Paul told Americans who were on unemployment they should take a pay cut, stop receiving government handouts, and get back to work. Paul continues to lead by economic example, abstaining from more expensive materials and using only happened-upon roadkill for his toupees.
5. According to recent reports, beach weddings along the Gulf are being scrapped at an increasing rate due to potential oil interference. Beach divorces however continue to thrive.
High five.
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