1. Fox News' Megyn Kelly today debated with Democratic congressman Anthony Weiner over Obama's tax cut deal with the GOP. The democrat could do little to sway the Fox News host, but then again, that's not the first time Megyn Kelly has been forced to deal with a flailing wiener.
2. According to reports, Lindsay Lohan may appear on a future iteration of Dancing With The Stars. Lohan says this way she can continue her two favorite pastimes, entertaining and standing in front of judges.
3. When asked if she was a lesbian during an interview with Barbara Walters this week, Oprah Winfrey cried and said she was not. Winfrey quickly stopped the interview, but felt good enough to continue after finding keys to a new car under her chair.
4. In a letter today, Minnesota Representative Michelle Bachmann criticized President Obama for not using the word "God" enough when he speaks. Upon hearing this, God laughed mischievously and added a few more leaves to Bachmann's gutters in preparation for a particularly rainy spring.
5. On Wednesday Ted Turner said that he was "on the verge of poverty" now that he has only a few million dollars left of what was once a billion dollar fortune. In other news, experts agree that Ted Turner is on the verge of sanity.
High five.
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