1. A dog in Germany has given birth to 17 puppies. The newsworthiness of the story may be questioned, but you can be sure it somehow involves a drunken David Hasselhoff.
2. This week the Senate approved the repeal of the Don't Ask Don't Tell ban, ending years of what some believe amounted to discrimination. In other news, one military tank mechanic has found the courage to reveal his fabulous pink detailing ideas.
3. The author of a guide book to pedophilia was charged in Florida this week for breaking the state's obscenity laws. In future news, the author of a pedophilia guide book was killed in prison by the author of a necrophilia guide book.
4. On Monday the Bears and Vikings will meet in Minnesota for the state's first outdoor pro football game in 29 years. With falling snow and frigid temperatures expected to reach below zero, Favre mistressess expect to receive no in-game penis pictures.
5. Senator Harry Reid reportedly made his first tweet after Don't Ask Don't Tell was repealed to Lady Gaga, saying, "We did it! DADT is a thing of the past." The singer, a long time gay rights advocate, tried to respond but admits she isn't very good with her new rainbow sparkly meat phone with a qwerty keyboard made from kitty teeth.
High five.
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