1. Appearing on the O'Reilly Factor recently, Sarah Palin advised that we "go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant ... [and] create law based on the God of the bible and the ten commandments." Palin was immediately punished for having recently voted without owning land or cattle and began washing Bill O'Reilly's feet as penance.
2. Next week, British astronaut Piers Sellers will take a piece of Isaac Newton's famous apple tree up into space on the shuttle Atlantis. "I'll take it up into orbit and let it float around a bit, which will confuse Isaac," said Sellers. NASA at first wasn't keen on the idea but later reconsidered when they discovered what a complete waste of time and money it would be.
3. An under-16 Australian Rules football team is being criticized for entering into a sponsorship deal with Hooters. While the team is generally not seen as the best team in the league, experts agree they are the smartest and happiest.
4. Former Playboy playmate Kendra Wilkinson, once star of the E! show Girls Next Door, reportedly has a series of sex tapes where she is with multiple partners. The adult film company Vivid Entertainment had threatened to release the tapes. Wilkinson, however, retrieved the tapes from Vivid's offices after showing up in a plumber's outfit asking if everyone's pipes were working okay.
5. In an interview with AOL News, Joe "the Plumber" Wurzelbacher said that if he could live in another time it would be the 1800's. "In America you could make it or not make it depending on your efforts and your work. Men held to their word. I like that kind of black and white," said Wurzelbacher. Aptly put, Joe the Plumber: white guy. Aptly put.
High five.
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