1. While speaking at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference, Ann Coulter told the audience that she thinks more journalists in ally foreign countries should be jailed. In future news, during a modest ceremony amongst friends, today Ann Coulter wed her longtime boyfriend Satan.
2. After weeks of protesting, Egyptian people successfully brought down their leader Hosni Mubarak. No word yet on who will take over in Egypt but the front runner is an unknown mustachioed man named Mosni Hubarak.
3. Scientists announced today that they may have discovered evidence of a tenth planet that exists at the edge of our solar system and that it may be the largest planet we have revolving around the sun. Today religious conservatives called the claim ridiculous, saying, "Bah, planets revolving around the sun, honestly!"
4. Congressional GOP members today criticized Obama's budget proposal saying that it would be better to just do nothing at all. To which those who lived through the last GW Bush term replied, "Yes, please, do nothing."
5. The official title of the Spider-Man reboot was announced today as The Amazing Spider-Man. In order to make the transition between Spider-Man iterations, producers say they've cast the paper bag from the other films that Toby McGuire couldn't act his way out of .
High five.
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