1. Legendary Yankee owner George Steinbrenner died today at the age of 80 after suffering a massive heart attack. Steinbrenner will now move onto Heaven where he'll resume torturing Billy Martin.
2. On Monday, BP successfully fastened a larger, tighter fitting cap on the leaking Gulf oil well, slowing the spill for now, and potentially stopping it altogether. During a press conference today, BP COO Doug Suttles said there was a good chance of success. Then his head popped off and blood shot out of his neck like water out of a severed fire hydrant.
3. In a recent interview with People, Kristin Cavallari says that her show The Hills isn't real. "I would never put my close friends or a real relationship on a show," says Cavallari. You mean the thousands of vapid, substance-void conversations on The Hills over coffee, expensive dining, and meaningless fashion parties isn't how real, normally adjusted people live? Oh, you do go on!
4. Following a less than stellar Consumer Reports test, PR experts say that a recall on the iPhone hardware is inevitable, citing the company's need to maintain it's relatively good image. Upon hearing news of a possible recall, iPhone users began lining up at Apple stores five years ago.
5. Sharon Angle, the Tea Party candidate hoping to unseat Nevada senator Harry Reid this November, says that God is behind her campaign. When reached for comment God said, "Well I'm everywhere, so technically I guess I'm behind her campaign. I'm also under it, in front of it, on top of it. Lotta options."
High five.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
