1. Facebook today received a letter of allowance from the US Patent Office for trademark of the word "face" as it relates to online bulletin boards. In other news, MySpace's CEO found a nearly untouched bear claw in the dumpster behind a Dunkin Donuts.
2. The US government today moved to outlaw fake pot, a drug that contains chemicals which imitate the effects of THC, the active ingredient in marijuana. The FDA is now looking into the ramifications this will have on the fake munchies industry.
3. Sarah Palin criticized first lady Michelle Obama for her anti-obesity program saying it's "government thinking that they need to take over and make decisions for us." Palin then gave her infant son a tiny, lead-based painted toy to chew on.
4. Former US House majority leader Tom "The Hammer" Delay was found guilty of money laundering today, which carries a possible sentence of life in prison. While Delay appeals the verdict, his future cellmate has already thought of multiple sexual positions he can refer to as "Hammering the Nail.".
5. The wife of comedian George Lopez filed for divorce earlier this week, citing irreconcilable differences. Adding salt to the wound, Comedy has also requested separation from the late night host.
High five.
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