Paula Abdul & Frisky Hypnotists

1. On Wednesday, a Little Rock, Arkansas political forum turned ugly when the crowd heckled their two Democratic Representatives, accusing them of taking away Americans' personal freedoms by supporting a government-backed health care plan. Some audience members later apologized for the outbursts, but to be fair the crowd was probably very tired, having just chased Frankenstein through town with torches.

2. A common back treatment was recently put to the test in a study published in the New England Journal of Medicine. Medical cement, commonly used to fix cracks in the spinal bones of the elderly was shown to work no better for back ailments than a fake treatment. Half the patients were given the medical cement while the other half was fooled into thinking they were. Doctors say it shows that procedures are sometimes rushed into wide use before they're proven effective, and that even doctors doing a study can have fun fooling the elderly.

3. The man who entered a Pennsylvania health club and opened fire on a dance aerobics class was exceedingly frustrated with meeting women, according to police who cite the man's blog as evidence. "Women just don't like me," 48 year old George Sodini said in his online journal. Guys, rule #38 on increasing your success with women, "Don't shoot women."

4. On Tuesday, Paul Abdul today announced via Twitter that she would not be returning to American Idol next season. "I'll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all being a part of a show that I helped from day 1 become an international phenomenon," tweeted Abdul. Is it just me, or does Abdul type amazingly well for being drunk?

5. A South Korean hypnotist was fined for attempting to hypnotize his date in order to sneak a kiss, a report said Thursday. The hypnosis was unsuccessful and his date pushed him away, later filing a complaint with police. Or perhaps the hypnotist just wants us to think it was unsuccessful. "You will tell police I tried to kiss you, but in reality I will be touching your boobs... you will name our child Randolph and raise him to be a monkey, no matter how illogical."

High five.

Sonia Sotomayor & Twittering Astronauts

1. Republican Senator Jeff Sessions is connecting Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor to a group he considers extreme. In an attempt to discredit the potential judge, Sessions said today, "I think Judge Sotomayor needs to explain her affiliation with this group known as PTA."

2. NASA is now using twitter during space missions, as astronaut Michael Massimino was the first person ever to Twitter in space. Following in the famous footsteps of Neil Armstrong's "giant leap," Massimino tweeted, "Space, lol!"

3. Sarah Palin announced today that she would be resigning as governor of Alaska July 26. Palin did not give a reason for the resignation, which leads many to believe she may run for president in 2012. However, experts all agree that this will give her plenty of time to shoot and kill stuff.

4. Today Michael Jackson's brother Jermaine said that Michael "went too soon," and that he wishes he had died in Michael's place. See? The results of that cryptic Jackson 5 fan club poll weren't as ridiculous as you thought they were.

5. Authorities are reporting that a powerful sedative was found in Michael Jackson's house the day he died, widening the mystery of the performer's death. When asked specifically what drug they had found, a police spokesperson replied, "Drug? Oh, no, it was a copy of Creed's latest CD." The album was removed from the premises by a bomb squad robot.

High five.