Terrell Owens Thinking & Rick Sanchez Journalisting

1. Buffalo Bills' Terrell Owens, no stranger to trouble, criticized NFL commissioner Roger Goodell calling his treatment of Michael Vick unfair. It was rumored that Goodell would give a four game suspension to Vick should he be reinstated. Adding four games to a two year prison sentence, said Owens, was like "kicking a dead horse." Today Vick distanced himself from Owens saying, "Everyone knows kicking a dead horse is a bad idea, especially if you need your dogs to have quality horse meat."

2. The New York Daily News reported on Monday that MLB commissioner Bud Selig may consider reinstating Pete Rose, 20 years after the hits leader was banned for life for gambling on baseball. Despite a statement released by Selig saying his thinking on the matter had not changed, Rose has already placed a significant wager in Vegas that he will be reinstated.

3. Yesterday Hawaii's Health Director Dr. Chiyome Fukino tried to end all arguments from "Birthers," those who believe President Obama was not born in this country, saying she has "seen the original vital records ... verifying Barrack Hussein Obama was born in Hawaii." However, experts agree the issue would never have arose if Hawaiians used standard birth certificates and not thinly sliced Spam.

4. A new study out of Virginia Tech Transportation Institute shows that texting while driving makes drivers 23 times more likely to get into a collision. The 18 month study followed more than 100 truckers and measured factors such as reaction time and time spent texting. However, more surprising was the text sent most commonly between truckers: "trucking lol!"

5. CNN host Rick Sanchez tweeted some harsh words about HBO host Bill Maher saying, "The more I watch bill maher, the more I realize what an opportunist he is. He'll say anything to get people to say ooohh! Even if bs!" Rick Sanchez then continued his run for the Pulitzer by being tasered.

High five.

Martian Healthcare & Ethics Law Violations Squared

1. In an interview Tuesday, NASA administrator Charles Bolden Jr. said that humans will definitely reach Mars during his lifetime. Bolden then theatrically drew back a curtain to reveal two astronauts planting an American flag on a poorly replicated Martian landscape. "Heh? ... Heh??" added Bolden.

2. During a heated national debate in the U.S. over healthcare, a new poll shows that Canadians generally like the healthcare they receive. While some are frustrated with long waits, 65% of Canadians say they have all the affordable healthcare they need, everything from simple checkups to the more complicated beaver hat replacement.

3. A new report today charges that Alaskan governor Sarah Palin may have violated ethics laws by taking money to pay of legal debts. No, you read correctly. Sarah Palin may be violating ethics laws to pay off legal debts resulting from possible violation of ethics laws. Do you think this is like porn to ethics law investigators?

4. Yahoo unveiled a new site design today, giving users nearly absolute customization ability. The company says it will take web surfers a short time to acclimate themselves to the redesign, but adds that the "Popular Searches" feature will remain so men quickly know what female celebrities have recently been caught naked.

5. With former NFL quarterback Michael Vick out of prison after serving 18 months for felony dog fighting charges, one question remains for NFL commissioner Roger Goodell: Should Vick be reinstated with a goalpost-chained leash that is only 50 yards long, or will it go the full 100?

High five.