Penile Denial

Brett Favre is denying claims by former SI columnist Jenn Sterger that he sent pictures of his penis to her while quarterback for the Jets. However, Sterger says the pictures clearly show a penis unsure as to which way it should bend.

High five.

Fezzy Lifting

Wilmer Valderrama, who played Fez on "That 70's Show," said today he hopes Lindsay Lohan will get her life back on track soon. Valderrama then asked reporters for whatever change they had in their pockets.

High five.

Icy Hot Heat

Miami Heat star Dwayne Wade pulled a hamstring in the preseason opener Tuesday after only 3 minutes. Not to worry though, Heat management says they've nabbed the best physical therapist free agent in all of Cleveland.

High five.

Wicca Media

Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell released a TV ad this week telling voters that she is "not a witch," backing away from comments she made years ago about once practicing Wicca. O'Donnell says she's had to summon a lot of strength to move forward, but that it was easy after summoning GROGTOR: BRINGER OF STRENGTH!

High five.

Thurber, Baby

Steve Hely, writer for NBC's "The Office," won the Thurber Prize for American Humor on Monday for his novel, "How I Became a Famous Novelist." On Tuesday, NBC is expected to introduce three new fall sitcoms based on him winning this prize.

High five.

Education Inflation

GOP senate candidate Christine O'Donnell on Friday denied reports that she has exaggerated or misrepresented her educational background. However, as of this posting, no one from her alma mater, Jesus Einstein University, could be reached for comment.

High five.